He Takes Me Alive

keeps pulling and pushing, but we’re going nowhere
told me he loved me, i’d believe him if he’d care
love like the rain, and justification like the candles
need like the youth, fear like witches on pyres

keeps feigning and turning, but i see right through you
told me he fell hard, but the bed looks so new
white like the snow, and passionate like the waves
mute like a choir conductor, empty like echoes in caves

so cease my hunger for something non-existant,
fill me with something tangible for a change
if i could i’d lock you up and toss out the key

keeps smiling and haunting, but..

BUT NABEI MY PP IS DUE TOMORROW AND I HAVEN’T DONE SHIT.

Like Something Incurable, It’s Eating Me

i’ve been told, fairytales never do come true.
that they run their course, and in time i’d lose you.
happily, i thought them all rumors.

and i saw for myself, the truth of the premonition.
“i’m sorry”, i said to him, “i’m too selfish for this infliction.”
then ran into a story of my own demise, vulnerable.

so i wonder, was i ever your only?

will you love me in the morning?
forever and ever babe.

i was, once. at least i think. and i wrecked it by being who i was.

i’m sorry.

Ingrained, Ignored

because if it was easy to be right, everyone would be doing it.
because if words just are, then the sky could be blue here, and green in africa.
because if love is fleeting, no one would get married.
because if music has no soul, we wouldn’t depend on it.
because if god doesn’t exist, we’d all be desolate.
because if friendships aren’t meant to last, then why bother.
because if you say so, then i’m the fucking dog.

***

this is IT asswipe, i’ve had it up to fucking here, so don’t blame me for ranting now. i put up with your bullshit for 8 months. 8 FUCKING MONTHS. so don’t say how i was never this and that and how i didn’t care about you and everything, and how i never loved you because i DID. you spoilt it all for yourself, so don’t you fucking DARE put this on me.

it’s not my fault.

i didn’t fucking cheat on you. you did. i never blew you off for my friends, you did. i didn’t lie or act all suspicious, you did. and now you’ve broken up with me, you’re not allowing me to move on? WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?

throughout the duration of the time i devoted to you, you never did answer my question. what do you want? at the end of all your mindfucking, what the hell do you want out of it? from me? i really cant figure this out. probably never will.

i’m SICK of your mind games, and now that i’m done with them, all i want is a clean break. since you’ve already made it clear you had no intention of getting back together with me, PLEASE STOP TORTURING ME LIKE THAT.

kisses on my forehead,
pb and cowie,
escape theme park.

please stop. all of it. last warning.

***

on the same depressing note, today marks the worst fucking week of my life. let’s see.

1. love of my life broke up with me.
2. i get blamed for it.
3. party turned out to be a devastating flop.
4. cried too much.
5. screamed too much.
6. drank too much.
7. fell down and got a huge piece of my skin scraped off like cheese on a grater.
8. got teh peng spilled on me.
9. and my alost-favourite dress, and shoes.
10. and phone.
11. my phone doesn’t work properly anymore.
12. it’s actually rusting.
13. lost my memory card.

THIRTEEN. OH MY GOD.

like $*@!@#$%^&)(&%T^##@%#%$&%^&^&# please.

ignore me.

Now I Know

why she wrote all those things on her blog. it’s not defamation, it’s expressing her frustration, her anger, her resentment for your attitude. it wasn’t anything personal, till you attacked her this way was it?

i’ll refrain, for now. but boy you’re really pushing your fucking limits. don’t test me, because i’m vicious when i want to be, and i’m nearing my peak of patience.

this isn’t a threat, it’s a promise. try me.

Ferocious Eyebags Are A Killer

so here’s to life, my new start. or fresh ending.

i miss you already.

but then again what does it matter. please be happy.

***

life has never been worse, really. and just when it should be getting better too. i feel like i’ve lost an arm and a leg. it feels funny knowing that i shouldn’t call you to tell you where i am anymore. and that there shouldn’t be any whining to each other about how bleak life is.

so let’s put aside the pretenses for a minute, when i hug you for the last time the way i should have, and say that i still haven’t stopped loving you.

i’m sorry.

***

the expiry date came too soon
unprepared, unwilling, don’t speak
hold my hand and walk with me

so you think i’ve already gone
don’t forget, don’t regret, i’ll listen
the words you never say, the unpredictable fusion

of what we always needed to feel was new
that destruction we were counting down to
spent every lingering moment on the things that didn’t matter (but you said you’d never go)
the reasons we weren’t supposed to have
the remnants of everything that was left
if only you’d say that it’s still okay (but it’s not today)

***

you wouldn’t know, really.

*original

And If There Was A Line

because if hearts were made to be broken, then why make them?

Hook, Line and Sinker

i’m addicted to something i can’t exactly have.

you’ve always been my happy pill. and i love you.

i’m a junkie, and i’m deprived.

not. pretty.

Only Just Barely

i don’t like this at all
all the mess and tragedy
of another heart broken

would you, could you possibly understand?

no, i don’t suppose so. but if if means anything to you, i love you. with all my heart, i do.

TO JEAN

jean where are you? i hope you’re okay. please call my house phone and leave your home number or something?

i’ll be getting 90 bucks from my parents on sunday, and you can have all of it. and you can have all my t-shirts. and you can come rape my house for anything you need.

please?

i just hope you read this. i just hope you’re okay.

If You Don’t Like It

THEN DON’T READ MY MOTHERFUCKING RANTS. for fuck’s sake.