Game. Set. Match.

optimistic?

you know. i do have a friend. i’ve known her not too long, but long enough. i trusted her a lot. an then a fight, we fell out. now the two of us aren’t on speaking terms, i suppose.

sent her a message today. something along the lines of not fretting too much, and staying happy. i meant it. i hope she saw it.

i do love her as a friend. as a close friend. the last month and a half or so we’ve been spending a lot of time together. we shouldn’t have, i think.

if i died tomorrow, i think she would come. i think she and her friends, the others i hung out with recently, would come. they really do care. if she died, i’d have to think a lot.

i’d make it there eventually, being as inconspicuous as possible. staying away from the crowd. i’d wonder why the last thing we did together was quarrel. i’d wonder why i was still so angry. i’d wonder why i was so sad. i’d wonder why i didn’t have the guts to get closer. i’d wonder why i was even there. i’ve already been named and labeled.

i attribute it to pride. my pride. my selfish, destructive pride.

please do not take offense. i don’t mean that i don’t love you enough to go (touchwood.). i do care for you. i’m just too full of it.

if he died, and you were there, i’d probably hate you for awhile. i’d push you away, and scream that it was all your fault for tearing us apart, though i know it isn’t true. i’d slap you, and you’d hit me back, people would try fruitlessly to stop us making a scene. we’d curse each other and never speak again.

i’m sorry. it’s all my fault. i shouldn’t tell people who they should be seeing. i shouldn’t tell people who they should be saying i love yous to. i shouldn’t be telling people what’s considered wrong. it’s my fault. i’m conceited. i’m selfish. i’m prideful.

so if you happen to read this. i’m sorry. i won’t impose my friendship on you any longer, if you don’t want it. i’d still care for you, but i don’t want to be a burden you have to carry. like you said, you’ve got enough problems already. but you should know i’m here. if you ever need anything, don’t hesitate.

don’t worry. this happens to the best of buddies.

8 Simple Rules

kyle: look, kerry.. i love you.
kerry: WHAT?
kyle: you heard me.

later on in her room with her mom and briget.

kerry: and i feel so guilty because such a god thing is happening when such a bad thing is happening! (referral to father’s death)
mom: well, honey.. what was the good thing that happened?
kerry: it’s nothing. (sits on the bed) karl was just trying to be sweet about what happened..
mom: well what did he say?
kerry: he.. he said he loved me, which is stupid because he doesn’t!
briget: well maybe he did.
kerry: no he didn’t. he just said it cos he felt all sorry for me.
mom: you know guys, i love you both so much.. look, (to kerry) it’s okay to be happy when you want to, (to briget) and it’s fine to be sad when you feel like it.
briget: and you know what karl said..? he meant it.
kerry: well how do you know that?
briget: karl and i were together a really long time. (pause) (shrugs) he never said it to me.

kerry: heyy.. why did you say you love me?
karl: well.. when your dad died-
kerry: i knew it! say no more. you felt sorry for my pathetic state and tried to make me feel better with that and-
karl: no! it’s not about that at all! it’s just after your dad died-
kerry: what!
karl: well.. (pause) it’s like, i realized that if i don’t just say things i want to say, i might not have the chance to say it again.
kerry:

aww.

Lizz Is Love

gah.

so if i had you guys for (older) sisters…

Stacy’d be my geek (in pink) and do all my math homework for me. and we’d listen to crazy crazy indie music and she’ll play her guitar and we’ll SING! and she’d tell me to stop going hyper when i get sugar-high and we’ll LOVE my/our perfect little boy.

Sarah’d teach me how to sneak out. and we’d tease Stace! and also we’d sing along to Stacy’s mad guitar skillz. and i’d go ooh over her bleached hair and pull it. and take spazm pictures and make her smile. oh yeah, i so read your WordPress, Sarah. x

i don’t kare. you guys pwn Gabe x infinity.

all he does is play Counter Strike and make an occasional sarcastic comment.

lizzeh i read your blog a lot a lot you know! and i wish you were my sister toooo.

i would so NOT teach you how to sneak out. unless of course it’s really really important, like a party with good booze. and if we were not living on the 21st floor, because it really does tend to complicate things.

we’d karaoke to stacy’s guitar alllllllll day and night long, because stacy is oh-so-hardcore and kewlzxzz. and she can play almost anything! like from ghey michelle branch to even gheyer jason mraz. we’d headbang to sexay metal, and scream along to manson. (if you were my sister you’d HAVE to love him too.)

you’d ooh to my bleached hair, but you will not pull it, because this woman’s crown in SACRED. i will, however, let you paint my toenails (and stacy’s!) all sorts of weird colours, as long as you promise to be my living dead doll for the night, you hot little thing.

we’d go for dance classes together, because it’s a BONDING thing, and stacy can do starjumps instead. spazm pictures are always, always fun with you, and we’ll take tons and and post them online and and pin stacy down in them!

sprite can make star guest appearances sometimes, which thrill us. i was NOT trying to rape him, you nut.

having you as a sister would be so, so fun darling! we can pretend we are when we crash next time okayy!

<3

Cold Hard Bitch

i was looking for a picture i could put on my blog. a picture of love. and then maybe a poem or a song i thought of. instead, i found a few, and decided to just put some up instead. some are adorable, some are sweet, and some are just pretty fucking funny. enjoy!

prairie dogs!

diamonds = love.

(really?)

and my personal favorite.

it’s my favorite because it’s true.

it’s heartwarming to see silly pictures like that.

people around me, everyone, seems to have relationship issues. it’s.. disheartening. sad, really. why can’t people just be happy together? it’s like love has lost it’s meaning over time. like monogamy is a thing of the past. like forever and always doesn’t have any impact left.

then again, i see couples happily married, children and all. it doesn’t meant they have no issues to deal with, or that they don’t quarrel. it just mean that love is bigger than all of that and they got through it together. together.

i like that word a lot. it’s an action-word. like the poem baby wrote for me, words alone aren’t enough, though important. actions do speak louder.

like this.

loves jeff thomas i tell you. <3

We Just Are

THIS IS LIZZ.

THIS IS US.

THIS IS SPRITE OUR HIGHNESS.

THIS IS ME BEING HONORED BY HIS PRESENCE.

lizzie’s room is the absolute sex. love love love. from the spanning mirrors, to the toilet in the wardrobe, to the stereo that doesn’t quite work. and of course, being graced by HIS MAJESTY PRINCE SPRITE was the experience of a lifetime.

to think we took care of him as a kitten. he was quite the devil, really. clawed at everything that moved- and didn’t. our sofa, to us. i miss that manifestation of a demon, really.

lizzeh is HAWT. sleepover with me soon. we GHEY. :]

I Don’t Love You

Bought her flowers and kissed her goodnight,
he whispered in her ear ‘ i don’t love you.’

Painted her apartment and fed her dog,
he wrote on a note before he left ‘ I don’t love you.’

Visited her in the hospital and washed her feet,
he told her brother ‘ I don’t love her. ‘

Tucked her in and sang her a lullaby,
he let it slip off his mouth before she dozed off,
‘I don’t love you. ‘

She did not weep, she did not ask ‘why’,
from dawn to dusk she kept a straight face.

She wasn’t hurt, she never did cry,
she’d say to him without fail ‘ I know. ‘
He’d smile and wink at her.

Why, you ask? Why’d he say that,
because silly, everytime he said ‘ i don’t love you’,
he’d do something that says otherwise.

And it meant so much more to her what he did than what he said.

*by boyfriend

Penalty Shot

speak with your tongue tied
i know that you’re tired
but i just have to know
where you want to go
i may be sad but i’m not weak
this situation is bleak
and your puffy eyes never lie
your tears come from inside

until sunday I’ll be waiting for an answer
i guess that yesterday’s not good enough for you,
you know that I hate this song
you know that I hate this song
because it was written for you

drown your fears with me
i’m feeling real sorry
your glossy eyes don’t need
the sadness they have seen
but you’re way too deep to swim
back up again
but somehow I can’t find
the moment you said goodbye

this is becoming a problem I’m hurting it’s unfair
but somehow your words,
the way that I heard are haunting me
you’re under my skin
you’re breaking in
and the tasteless fights that filled our nights
are starting to cave in
you’re under my skin
you’re breaking in
and if sundays what it takes to prove
i have nothing else to lose

because there’s every reason to stay.

ice milos, occasional cuddles, cooking in pajama pants, nose rubbing rituals, sleepy tuck-ins, food and cigarette sharing, bitching sessions, the curse of monkey island, movie marathons, memories of long bus rides, handicapped toilets, and playground evenings. even the fights, spats, quarrels, and insults.

the most mundane things become special when we’re doing them together.

*song by secondhand serenade

The Fool

lover’s balls and funerals
wear your heart on a sleeve and expect from them a tear
feel my breath on your naked shoulder
to witness, you’ll be here

kisses that betray no more
in your star filled eyes and mischievous grin, that traitorous gleam
the heart studded ransom notes don’t say a thing
if only you’d say what you mean

wear your face, a facade
but i see though your disguise, your vulnerable soul exposed
your lips mouth your love but your hands are cold
your words can only be but so bold

so hide now, shelter
we’ve risen from the depths of hell, your most-feared demons
we’ll care for you, i promise we will carry on
haunting, till you’re dead and gone

surprise surprise. i’m so not having any fun in class.

boy came to school today, which is a shocker. in a good way. i missed having him around in the campus. and i’m sure everyone else did too. :]

off to meet josh with baby later. can’t wait. class is such a bore.

i’m out of cigarettes. again. it’s a bitch that i have a measly allowance and whatnot. i cannot survive like this. the day i startwork, i will THROW myself into it. moving out at the end of the year is basically my short term goal, which i am very determined to accomplish.

pb’s staying over at my place till tomorrow, and kau’s over at ad’s. probably still sleeping, those kids. they lead a good life, you know.

I LOVE YOU BOTH DARLINGS. and of course, you my boy. <3

edit:

1. bangbus.com proves to be very good entertainment during lessons.
2. porn does not always consist of hot people, which is crucial. i will not expect too much from now on.
3. i still don’t know how guys jerk off to porn, unless they’re watching it with their respective partners. i just think it’s funny.

*original poem by me

He Calls Me Baby

life’s full of surprises sometimes. which i guess, it’s what makes it interesting. maybe sometimes, just downright disappointing.

to alvin,

i’m sure you know by now, that you’re a disappointment to all of us. the car thing, the taking us for grated thing, the running away from home thing, the stealing from your friends thing, the pushing the blame thing, the backstabbing your friends, cousin and parents thing, the lying thing, the not helping out with the cash thing, the leaving yiqian to die thing.

i would say, that as a brazen bastard, you’ve surpassed all of our expectations. so congratulations. you’re on your own as far as friends are concerned. you’re a disgrace to your family as well as the entire male population. it’s because of people like you that the older and wiser doesn’t take our generation seriously anymore.

goodbye and good-fucking-riddance.

sarah

like i said. absolute disappointment.

anyways, that was completely random. i shall now tell you about my day.

spent it with baby at home and playing house. we were a bit off in the morning, but went back to being sickeningly lovey-dovey soon after. watched the pursuit of happyness, which made me tear. the little boy is bleeding adorable.

“maybe it’s something we’re meant to pursue.. and not actually have.”

sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

I Don’t Do Tagboards

because i cannot stand motherfucking hate mail. and believe me, at one point of time i got a lot.

people disagree with my opinions and my thoughts. my philosophy is warped, i’ve even been spammed for being ugly. to each his own, i say. if you don’t really care for my perceptions and morals or pictures that make me feel fuzzy inside, i’m not putting a gun to your head to make you look at or read this.

unless of course, you’re my friend and i ask you to tell me what you think of a post. then again, if i ask you, i’ll be almost a hundred percent certain you’d like it because i only hear what i want to. i’m very vain that way. :]

i love people who are nice to me. doesn’t everybody? i especially like people who actually take the next step and compliment me. i tend to think they’re the nicest people on the planet, even if i know they’re actually liars. so who stands in that position changes from time to time.

there’s really not much point to this post. only that a) i don’t really care what you think, unless what you’re thinking is flattering, b) everyone should flatter me more often because it makes me happy and it’ll score you brownie points for being nice and making someone’s day, c) if you can’t be bothered to at least criticize politely, then shut the fuck up or go stand in front of an oncoming train.

so here’s a picture to bring a smile to MY face.

that’s lizz on the right. who loves me. and looks a bit spastic.

(my mouth was full of cake)

neh ni neh ni poo poo.