An SPG that Makes Sense

Of course I should be myself, and the way I am is that sleeping around isn’t a big deal to me. If he didn’t want me to sleep with another man, then I wouldn’t. I don’t think he gets it, but to me, my time with him is worth it’s value in the gratification I get in return. I wouldn’t bother to sleep with someone else because it’ll hurt him and it just wouldn’t be worth my time,

So, sex with someone else would not only hurt someone I love, but it would also be a waste of my time, and an unnecessary expenditure of my emotions, and perhaps a chance at catching a nasty disease. And the sex isn’t even going to be guaranteed as good. Now, if that were the case, why would I sleep with someone else?

this is from the infamous SARONG PARTY GIRL, whom i think is pretty much awesomely intelligent, and happens to make a lot of sense. i do not see why she’s condemned for being comfortable with her sexuality and writing about it. she’s just taking it one step further than you are anyway.

so. the extract is an example of her ingenuity, yay that i’ve found someone who’d think like that. it’s what i call a feel good character. she makes me feel good about myself. not that i think she’s a dirty whore. just makes me think that if this is someone else’s stand on the matter, then i’m better off than just okayy.

it sounds like i’m standing next to her just to look good. HAHAA. i’ll admit that i’m a very shallow person here, thanks very much.

whatever. it’s not as if you don’t do it either, don’t lie.

on another note, i find that i’ve never had a such an immense dislike for computer games as i do now. women these days are no match for the entertainment these annoying little inventions the human minds concoct.

well.

i’m probably being a grouch and making an issue over nothing, but i don’t like being ignored on the account of such inane activities, ie slaying mythological creatures in a game that earns you style points. boyy, you’re not earning any with me. -pouts

i want to go out with you love, so i can snatch you away from the stupid creatures that hold your attention whenever the computer is within your reach. or the bed. (i know what you’re thinking, and that’s not it.)

despite my constant whining and complaining (i am a girl after all.), i must say that i am truly, madly, deeply in love with my boyfriend and that he’s the best. our relationship is progressing nicely, and we’re very, very happy. but of course, you would care about that, would you. tch.

no one ever cares about genuine feelings anymore, i think. it’s the bitching and gossip that’s entertaining. ISN’T IT, YOU FUCKING WHORES AND SLAVES TO THE CONTAMINATED RANTINGS OF OTHER DERANGED PEOPLE WHO HAVE NOTHING BETTER TO DO.

-deep breath

bye.

Fresh Meat for Carnal Desires

maybe god’s as selective as anyone of us.

when a man has an imaginary friend, he’s crazy. but when thousands share the same one, they call it religion. there’s so much that doesn’t make sense in this world. but since the answers are seemingly so full of irony, i would rather not know.

why?

because i don’t want to be limited by definitions.

for now, at least, i want to enjoy life, love and beauty in the way i see fit. the way i picture it. flawless in it’s imperfections, whole in spite of the careless cracks. let me indulge in my idyllic daydreams, a child in a flower field. for now.

then maybe, someday, i’ll grow up.

so much for the street lights,
they’ve never led me home.
never led me to you
and i’ve never felt more alone in this,
this empty room.

what have you done?
so divine in it’s sin
the taste of you lingers on my lips
and you,
you’re the beat to my heart
torn apart and severed
it’s in a box,
on it’s way to you

the way you tug at my strings should be a crime.

* original

Better than Yours

satan’s loss

the sun is shining, but the future is bleak
the black is blinding, and my will is weak
the birds are singing, but my fingers grow cold
the sky is darkening, and my worries unfold
the panic is dawning, but i refuse to give in
the tears are rolling, but the devil won’t win
the storm is passing, and in it’s place
a beautiful awakening, a determined face
we have prevailed, and we are victorious
we have won, it’s truly glorious

-sheri

my sister is fourteen and mutilating herself. i don’t know why the fuck i did that, but i gave a PEP TALK. can you believe it. me. pep talk. sheri.

i know i’m the most unlikely candidate, but i’d like to think she actually listens from time to time.

look at this.

wait and see, i’ve been reserved about myself, but my experience is pretty real. relationships hurt. wise words from my sister who had BGR from a very young age;

“wait till you’re at the age of 16. there are 3 months before your school starts,” (my sisters in polytechnic) “and thats the prime time to start dating. but if you get involved in this crap now, by the time it comes for you to actually start dating, you realise you’re sick of being hurt, and you don’t feel like dating. soon, you think the whole guy population is out to get you, and you don’t even want to face the world.”

hmm. she’s right.i’m keeping this slate here, clean till i reach 2010.

a direct quote straight from the blog okayye. i had no idea.

i feel inspired to be inspiring. :]

anyways, spent the day with baby today and it was nicey nice. we watched movies and played gamesssss. okayy no. i watched movies and he played games. HAHAHAA. but neh mind. we got to nap together for three hours and it was sweet.

he cooked porridge for me and even gave me chocolate to eat. isn’t he the sweetest?

mummy i’ve met the man i wanna spend the rest of my life with. <3

***

edit:

Adriel ; The constant. says:
UR BLOG REMINDED ME I GOT CHOCOLATE
IM GG TO GET FATTTTTTTTTT

Sarah says:
HAHAHAA MY SILLY BABY
YOU’RE NOT GOING TO GET FAT
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I LOVE YOU LAH
FAT OR NOT
OKAYYE
GO SLEEP YOU PIG
:]

omg we’re the cutest couple ever.

Music is My Soul

and so the time has come. THIS, WORLD, IS WHAT I LISTEN TO. so all the people who categorize others by the music they listen to can EAT MY CORNHOLE, cos i can’t be ALL or these personalities! BUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAA. asswipes.

or can i. -smirks.

JIMMY EAT WORLD

for the love of god, i don’t know why they sound so fucking awesome okayy. i mean, look at them all, two of them fat, all four are not-very-spectacular-looking, weird hair, standard made-in-america look. nothing too outstanding. but the music they come up with, the lyrics, the melody, every single aspect of their music is so perfect it AWES me. yes. leaves my mouth hanging open like nita’s.

BOYS LIKE GIRLS

look at them. all god-like and manly, eating bananas. so SEXYY. their sound is like a cross between jimmy eat world and the academy is. their vocalist’s (martin johnson) is sexy in that i’m-sorry-i’m so-breathless-cos-i-just-finished-doing-one-of-my-fans-so-i-know-you’ll-forgive-me way. I KNOW I DO because it’s only one of the sexiest voices i’ve been privileged to hear in this lifetime. i am currently infatuated with their cover song, LET GO. please go listen to it if you can, it’s positively ORGASMIC. sad too.

DEATH CAB FOR CUTIE

they’ve got all kinds of weird sounds in their tracks, but they pull it off somehow, and well. i love the way their songs come across so organic and pure in that back-to-where-we-came-from way. in an artist-to-artist way, i practically idolize them, and their work is a great inspiration to my own attempts. DCFC IF YOU EVER READ THIS, I WANNA BE LIKE YOU.

LOST PROPHETS

only FANFUCKINGTASTIC. i love yous wouldn’t be enough to cover what i feel like screaming at the top of my lungs when i listen to them. it’s a lot of noise, some people say, but then again, select few can say they are worthy of having their ears blessed by the strains of ian, lee, mike, stuart, jamie and ilan meshed together in a symphony like a chorus of angels. MWUAHH. (baby i still love you best okayy.)

MARILYN MANSON

oh gods, where do i begin. born brian warner, now MARILYN FUCKING MANSON. need i say more. this man stands for everything i want to be, everything i was, everything i am. haters can go fuck yourselves cos you’re only JEALOUS that he’s awesome and you’re not. self-made, confident, adventurous.. and hotter than red chilli padiiiiiiiiiii. :]

THE HUSH SOUND

sex in a song isn’t hard to find when you’re listening to the hush sound. only it’s better than sex. sometimes. -cheeky grin. kayy sarah shut up.

PARAMORE

paramore paramore. the latest big thing to hit the radio.. one word. overrated. but still, pretty good, to be fair. hayley williams is fucking hawt and i want hair like hers. okayy, like i’m so beyond superficial.

AMY WINEHOUSE

honestly, her voice leaves much to be desired for, cos it’s nothing spectacular. but her -ahem, figure, nature, behavior and attitude on and off the stage is something i would like very much to acquire. without the rehab.

THE DRESDEN DOLLS

and of course, how could i leave em’ out? cabaret has reached new heights with this modern duo. famous for the track coin-operated boy, which is nicey niiiiiiiiiice. but in view of their obscurity in the beginning, i highly doubt they’re known for any of their other tracks, or their attitude or style. i love the dresden dolls because they LIVE rock and roll.

and now, for a bit of random humor.
Me: iTunes, play whatever you want on random.

iTunes: Cool! Have some Isaac Hayes, followed by Yes!

Me: Maybe we need to talk about this…

iTunes: Hey, jerk, it was in YOUR library. Don’t blame me for getting creative.

Me: Let’s never fight again.

iTunes: Aww, I feel bad. Here, have Zeppelin, then Wilco, and now Tool. Are we cool?

Me: Yeah, we’re cool. Stop being so clingy. Sheesh.

iTunes: Clingy?! What do you mean? I’m not clingy! Here, have some back to back Skynyrd! See? I’m cool! I’m cool! Let’s hang out!

Me: Uh . . .

iTunes: Now have some Copeland!

Me: Copeland? After Skynyrd?

iTunes: Yep. Now enjoy some Sade.

Me: *blinks*

iTunes: My, my, we’re really learning at lot about you today, aren’t we?

Me: Hey! Anne put that in there.

iTunes: Oh, so you’re sharing me with someone else? Maybe she wants to hear . . . Gary Numan’s Cars?

Me: Actually, she put that in there, too.

iTunes: Well what about Uncle Tupelo? Is that you? Or is our whole relationship based on a lie?

Me: No, that was me. You’re starting to freak me out.

iTunes: Here, enjoy something soothing called Velvet Piano. What the hell is this? Did you download this from one of those retroblogs you read?

Me: How did you know about that?

iTunes: the SDK isn’t just for programmers, you know.

Me: Okay, I think it’s time for a playlist.

iTunes: No! No! Here’s Nine Inch Nails! You just bought that! You like Nine Inch Nails! And now Boingo! doesn’t it make you happy? Doesn’t it remind you of those halcyon days of youth?

Me: Now you’re just embarrassing yourself. I think we’re going to spend a little time away from each other.

iTunes: Wait!

Me: It’s not you, iTunes. It’s me.

iTunes: You’re going to listen to the Juno CD in the car, aren’t you?! I knew it!

Me: Okay, we need to stop.

iTunes: Why?

Me: The joke is wearing thin. This isn’t funny any more.

iTunes: I love you.

Me: *Force Quits iTunes*

And if You Loved Me

there will come a phrase every single couple has to face. doubt. doubt how long they will last, if they’re meant for each other, if they will leave for someone else, if they will cheat behind closed doors, and so on. so.

what happens, when the person you love doubts the very core of the relationship and says “YOU DON’T LOVE ME.”

you hear yourself questioning in your mind, what have i done wrong, what didn’t i do at all, what i could have done, what i could have done better. and then you whisper the words that voice your every emotion. the fear in your every heartbeat, the insecurity rippling in your muscles, and the pain that courses through your veins. “WHY.. WHY WOULD YOU EVEN SAY THAT?”

but of course, as always, there will be no conclusion to that argument. it may be on a pause, but the very next quarrel you face together will be when all the bitterness resurfaces and you’re confronted with your nightmares once fucking more.

this is also when love is incomprehensibly incomprehensible, irrational, illogical and near impossible.

but then again, after the whole shebang you people make out of it, you look into the eyes of your beloved creature and realize that he/ she is truly the most annoying, irritating, childish, insensitive, irresponsible, obnoxious, etc.. person you know.

but at the same time, are aware of the fact that he/ she is also your better half. the half that remembers to put the toilet seat down, who when you get home from a rough day at work, who massages youtakes your pee containers in the room out to wash, who tells you exactly where your keys are when you thought you lost them, who color-codes your entire wardrobe, and who keeps your heart safe in case it gets hurt.

that’s why you’re still quarreling. the pain is just proof that you still care about each other, even after all the shit-eating you’ve been through together.

i love you ADRIEL ARISTA THAM, FELLOW SHIT-EATER.

You Will Surely Drown

today was niceeeeeeeee. pretty okayy. i’m not going to narrate my day to you cos that would be BOR-INGGG.

but it was fucking freaky when i called geri this morning afternoon just for the heck of it, and was mortified and pretty much scared shitless when her mother returned my call with the message that her daughter was just involved in a bus accident. oh gods.

kinda made me think of what a horrible job of being a so-called close friend i’ve been doing. i was so close to crying my tears temporary blinded me when i sent her a message saying i pledge to meet her every fortnight from now on, whether she likes it or not.

moving on.. oh wait.

and it was pretty cool that we double dated with bunny and lian at night. then they somehow convinced me to lie to stay out later. i got an expense paid cab trip home, but i got anal-fucked by my parents.

oh and there was the episode when we spent the time i was supposedly fighting with boyfriend MAKING FUCKING MERRY at the coffeeshop drinking beer and smoking. eventually we left, and i got to pee before cabbing back to baby’s. well, they’re still there and i’m HOME. which is actually nice. i’m surprised at myself.

so, to the point now.

i came home to a foreign as well as familiar face. a visitor from philippines. actually hongkong, if you wanna get all technical. she was staying with us 11 years before she gave up her job here in search of greener pastures back in philippines, then couldn’t and went to hk instead.

we share this love/ hate relationship, auntie vicky and i. but it was funny when i got out of the cab and she was there with my mom, and the first thing she said was “oh my goodness sarah! so SEXY now ahhhhh!” then runs over to hug me. squealing.

i remember her bigger.. sacrier. but now she looks so small, so.. nice. i mean, this woman used to hit me for kicks, yank at my toes to wake me up, threw tissue boxes and alarm clocks at me, and made me cry all the fucking time.

i can’t honestly say that i missed her any, but it is nice to see her again. she kinda reminds me of who i was before. before things got.. complicated. :]

so welcome back auntie vicky.

Set it Off

and you should have known, you had me from the start.

i think many many things are unpredictable. then again many things are. which one is this?

people are predictable, but when they surprise us once, everything changes. everything.

world war one and two changed the course of history. if they hadn’t happened, would we be here today? what about great men? napoleon, stalin, shakespeare, martin luther king, ghandi, jesus?

guess we wouldn’t know. maybe that’s good. people want things they can’t have, and when they want better and work for it, i guess it’s not such a bad thing.

Was Never My Intention to Brag

who are we to turn to in this confusion,
this insanity created, our hell on earth?
i’m torn between your love and lies
what used to be and what it’s worth

when it came down to the crunch
there wasn’t much more i could take,
so just one mistake, just one we’d make
one word to break me.

you.

then you’d promise a forever you could never fufill
a darkness you never thought would;
exist in me did. and you were afraid, you ran
maybe just to show you could

broken like key hanging from a dead lock
no it wasn’t what i pictured us to be, just;
so just one fornicating thrust, just one lingering touch
the trust we took for granted then.

done.

***

gods i want to crawl into her skin.

and oh, love
if i could have written him a song i would
but the wind had gone from my heart;
and i couldn’t feel the sand between my toes anymore

darling, believe me
if i could have painted him the world i would
but the picture of me was not from my own palette
nor could he ever have been from mine.

then you, love;
you happened.

*both poems are original, and by me.

Cos’ Makin’ Love to You Might Drive Me Crazy

i’m sorry, but am i the only one who finds her cockiness intoxicatingly disgusting.

to tell the truth, it’s more of a cross between wanting to laugh at her for actually publicising the fact that she thinks she’s a misunderstood genius, and a gorgeous chick, an independent girl with the soul of a poet. excuse me for pointing out, she’s none of the fucking above. it’s just plain disturbing, how someone allegedly so deep and intelligent can be so incredibly disillusioned. it’s like she’s one of god’s cruel little jokes.

and in case you were wondering, i’m not jealous or insecure. she just plain sickens me, and the rantings of her little lover boy does to serve no better either. all sickening and sweet, some rubbish about her being his venus, and she loves her mars and what not. (okayy here i’ll admit that this is rather pretentious of me to state, seeing how i blog endlessly about how much i fking adore ad and whatnot, but SERIOUSLY. the extent to which they sprout poetic bullcrap thinking it’s actually flattering.. retarded or.) i suppose they deserve each other. HAHAA.

since i’m nice, i won’t post the ask for the link if you wanna know who i’m talking about, though i doubt anyone would care for the sentiments of a shallow and immature hooligan/gengsta/juvi such as myself.

HAHAHAA.

whatever okayy. the whole point of that short spanned rant is to express the emotions of gheyness overwhelming me after attempting to digest her omfgly disgusting regurgitation of big words. GO BURN IN HELL GO.

and to mah b,

I LOVE AND MISS YOU LUHH YOU CHILDISH LITTLE NUGGET. I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU, YOU IDIOT. HAPPY NOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.

:]

my boyfrienddddd. yes luhh, you’re my one and only always and forever kayy love. i promise.

engagement party at the end of the year. MY MARS LEH.

muahahahahahhahahahahahahahaa.

SHO EK-SHAI-TING.

whatever lah sarah. kthxbye kaythxbai kthxb whatever shut up.

Ears to the Wall

bianca and i started philosophizing about physics, and how it can relate to life. and we decided to conduct this little test, to see how alike we are in terms of thought trains. so go read her blog for her insight if you’re interested, and trust me, you should be.

light, travels in a straight line. until it hits something.

then.. reflection. a change of direction. kind of like life. and how encounters and events, they bend you.

one’s life would be very boring if it were uneventful. or more specifically, if we were not affected by the chain of events around us.

take defeat for instance, born out of an instant of insecurity. or pain, heightened by words promising worse. or love, sharpened by fear of losing something, or someone. how things like that mold us, make us who we are, what we’ve become over time.

if nothing changed me, i’d probably still act a lot like an infant, being spoon-fed with everything, i’d still want to be treated like a child, as will everybody else. no character, no individuality, no expression, no.. anything.

i’d be trapped in my bubble. probably blissful, not knowing what it is. ignorance, can i call it that? i could have all the money in the world, all the knowledge, but what would it mean to me? everything would lose it’s beauty, it’s brilliance, it’s importance. not that i would know what it would be in like to have all that in the first place.

the experiences we have, we don’t share completely. that’s because everyone’s journey, direction, is different. and all of it, the knots forming the intricate pattern of this grand design is terribly understated.

the way light travels will be in a straight line, till it hits something and is reflected in another direction, and then the action is repeated over and over. it has no end because like us, it doesn’t die. our life, being entwined with another’s makes it impossible for anything to end. from one source, it keeps moving, keeps hitting, keeps touching, keeps changing.

unless, of course, we’re stuck in a blackhole. then nothing matters.
***

by the way i wanted to post this yesterday.

i wurve boyfwen a wot a wot. :]